Monday, to celebrate the Summer Solstice, we hosted a garden party at First Presbyterian Church, inviting artists to enjoy the fresh air and greenery and maybe draw or write. The weather cooperated with sunshine and cool breezes.
Tamara Wyndham came as the Pocket Lady. Her beautiful skirt has 49 pockets tied with ribbons, each containing a "blessing." She invited us to take one and I have to say, the one I chose was the exact message I have needed for this week, and maybe for all my life.
Here it is, from painter Agnes Martin;
"Of all the pitfalls in our paths and the tremendous delays and wanderings off the track I want to say that they are not what they seem to be. I want to say that all that seems like fantastic mistakes are not mistakes, all that seems like error is not error; and it all has to be done. that which seems like a false step is the next step."
That reminds me that I used to tell my students, "If you make a line you don't like, don't erase it. Leave it because now you know where you don't want to go. Let it show you where you do want to go." And then move on. Don't let perceived mistakes slow you down.
Thanks, Tamara, I needed that.
That advice works for the everyday but how do you move on when the unspeakable happens?
Monday was also the fortieth anniversary of the day Larry died.
How can we make sense of the death of a beautiful boy? I miss him and everything that should have come. I miss his wedding and welcoming his bride into our family. I miss the nephews and nieces I might have had. I miss seeing Larry coaching Little League and walking his daughter down the aisle. I miss my brother.
How do we carry on when a random accident ruins everything? We just do. Because what else can we do? We carry on, cherish the memories and live as he would have lived--with purpose and joy.
The photograph of Larry age eight is by Ronnie Kirkwood. Larry at age twenty-one is by either Rob Swanson or Jan Swanson.